We get scared and push people away. A little jealousy sparks and we are pissed off, then angry then defeated.
We deny ourselves, we curse our bodies for not being the way we think is perfect.
We choose tacky, plastic and ugly over beautiful even if a little less practical.
We look for ‘love' according to bank balance and choose friendship according to restaurant choice.
We don’t consciously choose, we just let ‘it’ all happen, and then complain that we haven’t achieved what we want to achieve.
I’ve done this. Me. I’m saying ‘we’ but I mean ‘I’ .
Why do we act in this way? Why do we give into fear?
We feel inadequate, lost, confused.
We don’t ‘get’ it, it seems SO difficult.
We doubt and doubt and doubt and doubt.
We mess up and feel like giving up.
We come up with reasons for the failure of the feasibility study.
We feel pain.
We resign ourselves and go back to where we were before. It’s fine for a little while but then it’s not.
That nagging feeling is back.
These thoughts we have are from our ego trying to protect us from the transforming change that’s required for us to experience our deepest sense of fulfilment.
Change requires courage that we don’t think we have. Change requires a new level of being: upping our game, the next level of me.
No, no, we didn’t want to be thrust into the spotlight.
We definitely didn’t want THIS.
We wanted it to be easy.
At times, growth is scary, embarrassing, humbling, frustrating, annoying, confusing, overwhelming.
Growth is like stretching my legs when I haven’t been to a gym class in a long time. I know it’s going to feel good but it’s right now, it’s really damn painful. And I know I can’t just do it once and get it over with. I know that when I start this new gym routine, I have to stick with it, I can’t just go once a year.
But growth is also glorious. Growth IS the journey, the moment where you look back down the track and realise ‘Wow I’ve come a long way'. It’s being in your tenth gym class and realising that you’re getting the hang of it. Despite the challenges, despite the early starts, it’s totally worth it. You’re a new, fitter version of yourself and you celebrate it, even though you’re not ‘there’ yet.
THAT’s the fulfilment. It gives us a new energy and it helps us set a new pace. We go on.
And when we find ourselves in the midst of pain, we are grateful because we know the pain is the opportunity for us to grow.
We notice pain rather than just reacting to it.
You see, deep down, we DO want to change. There is a deeper part of us than our ego; there is a beautiful essence, a beautiful being. One which does not fade away, even though it may seem at times far away and out of our reach. We don’t know who we truly are until we have connected with ourselves in this way.
It shows up sometimes with a little childlike voice - that innocent prompt which asked us to sign up to this newsletter. Which suggested we bought that book one day in Waterstones. Which challenged us to buy that gorgeous notebook and determined us to promise that we would use it not for shopping lists but for dreams and ideas.
It’s the part of you that’s reading this and vibrating within you: I know, I always knew.
Keep listening to that voice. It’s the voice that knows what you really want to truly live in this life. It’s the voice that will hold your hand through the pain. It’s the voice that will teach you to trust yourself, that you know what will you a life of fulfilment, every single day.
Have you ever imagined what you look like when you’re living at your most fulfilled?
What do you say to people?
What do you do with your days? How do you act? What do you share?
Use that to determine your next move. To inspire you to a new way of being, new versions of your relationships and new ideas about sharing your creative talents with the world.