An unlikely friend

We look at people we admire and we envy them. We want their lives, their ways of being, their mindsets. We’re envious. 

Envy is one of those annoying, uncomfortable feelings which you feel you ‘shouldn’t’ have. 

So often we feel envy and the feelings overwhelm us. We may have scorned at someone else’s happiness or ‘good luck’. We wish we could have it as well but we think we can’t so we dismiss it. 

We try and hide it and then feel ashamed. 

But envy can be our friend.


Envy will tell you something if we let it. If we ask it to be clear. If I get underneath the feeling and ask yourself what I really want. 

Envy can show me that I'm not happy with the way things are and by admitting that to myself, I have a clear way to move forward.

Envy can give us information and insight and with this, we can step into our personal power to change things. 

Who do you envy? 

When we're envious that everyone else seems to have more fun, we can ask ourselves: what would I love to do for fun?

What does fun look like to you?

When we are envious of someone else’s work life, we can ask ourselves why.

Is it because they walk to work and we have an hour long commute in traffic?

Is it because they have authority to make decisions at work and we have to run everything pass someone else?

Is it because they work whatever hours they like and we feel as though if we're one minute late we're in danger of being fired?

When we're envious of someone else’s relationship, we can ask ourselves what WE want from a relationship.

How do you want to feel? What kind of relationship do you want? What kind of partner do you want? Do you know? 

Noticing is always the first step

If envy prompts us to notice that something needs to change, it’s our best friend. Because it puts the focus back on us rather than about them. After all, if we really probed, we probably don’t want their whole life. We only want an aspect of it.  

Getting clear on what you want (NOT what you don’t want!) is the first step to shaping your life to feel in integrity and in alignment.

Space for change

To do things differently, we have to create space. Sometimes that might be physical space (if a boy came to your house would he see a space for himself in your life?) or a diary space (what days or evenings are you putting aside for your new business idea?) or mental space (are you busy because you think you should be busy?) 

Space creates this void and the void can be uncomfortable. It’s a sort of nothing, blank space situation that brings out the fears: I’ve done something wrong, I’ve messed up, I’m useless, nothing’s going to happen. 

Taking action

Envy will remain or return if you don’t take action.

In my question about 'fun' above, what was your answer?

What’s fun for you?

When was the last time you had fun for no reason except to enjoy yourself?

If it feels wrong to have fun, why? Who has told you it’s wrong to have fun?

Once you know the answer, go for it!

If this is a particular issue for you, you may want to plan. That’s ok, plan ahead. Just get some accountability to follow through.

Try it as an experiment, and see how you feel.

See what it gives to you, when you let yourself have fun, without limit. 

Before I moved to Italy, one of my days of fun was to visit the world of Harry Potter in Watford, near London. I spent about 6 blissful hours wandering round the film sets of one of my favourite book series. It was such fun! 

I say: make friends with your envy, for it shows where we must move forward to.

Be curious about how you feel: it is far better than than casting yourself into a place of shame. You feel what you feel.

Make it ignite your change and spur you on.