Everything is against me, I thought.
My colleagues seem to be deliberately unhelpful. I’ve got SO much work. And I DON’T want to BE HERE.
I was miserable. I dreamed of working for myself, having my own clients. I longed for the sunshine, peace, space and time to myself.
Instead, everything was just - seemingly - ganging up against me.
I don’t know about you, but when things get overwhelming, when several catastrophes collide and the combination of rain, stubbing my toe, running out of milk and unwanted phone calls don’t bring out the best in me.
I don’t smile, breathe and proceed calmly. (Well, ok I have occasional moments of graciousness).
Instead I GROWL inwardly.
I mutter under my breath (er, yes, I AM British).
I want to call a friend and emotionally dump on her - all my problems, issues, challenges and complaints.
I want to moan and groan and have someone rush over and be sympathetic.
I focus on everything that’s wrong.
When we’re in a situation we don’t like (whether that’s a meeting or a lifestyle) we very often start struggling against it.
We list all the things that are WRONG.
We focus on the problem.
We furrow our brow and put on a sulk.
News for you.
This. is. pointless.
And actually counterproductive.
When speaking with a new or potential client about the changes they want to make, I usually start by asking them what they want.
Their answer almost always makes me smile.
Very often they start telling me what they DON’T want.
I ask again.
‘I want THIS' very quickly goes back to ‘But I don’t want THIS'
(By the way - I smile, because I used to be like this…)
The focus is going to create the results you experience.
We perpetuate the SAME experience because our habits create the same experience for us, over and over again.
We focus on the problem, it most likely happens again.
Instead, we need to flip to what we DESIRE.
To change our habits, we must change the individual action and repeat it over time.
In changing our actions, we must change our thoughts and your underlying beliefs about a situation.
But before ALL that adjustment we need to figure out what we WANT.
The end result.
What success looks like.
Our best outcome or experience.
What it looks like if it you scored it 10 out of 10.
How does that work?????
When we focus on what we WANT, bringing our beliefs and thoughts and feelings into it, we attract it. We've made space for it.
(This is the Law of Attraction. Have you ever bought a new model of car and suddenly started seeing that model everywhere? It's in our awareness, and so we start SEEING it more. We can utilise this with our imaginations).
The END RESULT is all we need. What we WANT from a situation.
Now, there’s a few caveats - we can’t make choices for other people - they get to choose what they want as we do. So focusing on the FEELING (maybe using a few details to get you into that feeling) can turn things around much more quickly.
Where are you in getting clear on what you want?
What's your next step?
You’re feeling chained to your desk working your 9-5 and you dream of working for yourself.
Ask yourself: What feeling do I want from self-employment and what does that look like as an exciting picture?
You would love a romantic partner but you’ve been single for years.
Ask yourself: How would a special girl or guy in your life make me feel? What would we do together? Where would we go?
You long for some new clients but you seem to be stuck with some nightmare situations.
Ask yourself: What does my sales process look like when it all flows beautifully? What characteristics do my clients have?
OUR FOCUS AND OUR FEELING MUST BE ON THE GOOD STUFF.
If I find myself in fighting life mode…I PIVOT. Switch immediately from the ‘I don’t wants’ into ‘What do I wants?’
I ask myself what 10 out of 10 looks like for this scenario.
I flip my focus.
I drop the fight and find the feeling.
Yes, we DO have to combine this with action.
No, it MAY not happen overnight (but leave THAT possibility open why don't we??).
It takes time to learn this new way of being. When you’re used to fighting life, ALLOWING it to flow is strange.
What do you WANT for your life, your work and your experience?
Focus in on THAT place.
Everything is against me, I thought.