You're not stupid. You're not dim. You're not 'crazy'. You're just in the wrong place.
As I have been pondering this, I've realised that when you are most down at heart, when gloom seems to face you every day, it's not because there is something wrong with you.
There is something wrong with 'it'.
'It' can be the things you are doing. 'It' can be the types of people you're working with. 'It' can be the place, the culture, the attitude, the environment, the city or the room.
Did you know that I used to think it was always me who wasn't flexible enough, didn't adjust quickly enough, wasn't patient enough, didn't practice hard enough. Sometimes it definitely was those things. But sometimes it's because we aren't in the space, or community, or environment in which we get to show our natural joy.
I know someone who's natural joy erupts when a computer does what he wants it to. He is a tech guy and he spends quite a lot of the time in the company of computers. He freely admits that he also spends a lot of time frustated with computers, but every time he solves a problem he punches the air and you get a big grin (and sometimes a high-five).
It may be that you're so out of sync with your natural joy, that big things have to change. But from now, integrate as many changes as you can to allow as much of your natural joy to have opportunity to show itself.
Can you change something? It might be something dramatic, but it doesn't have to be. Start small. Is coffee one of your priorities but your Hate the coffee at work? Can you adjust your budget so you can afford it? Can you route your walk to work via a place that sells great coffee? Can you get up 3 minutes earlier so you're not late for work? If it means you start your day well and happy, do it.
1) Spending 10 minutes of your lunchtime drawing 2) Buying a sewing machine and some material and Making that Dress 3) Working with your most inspirational music 4) Checking out the career-changing course 5) Making every other Saturday 'gardening Saturday' 6) Book yourself in for some networking evenings
It's all about the joy. Want more ideas? Send me an email claire[at]clairemeredith.co.uk