Being the one that 'left the family'

One of the most common questions I get when I share about leaving the church is 'How did your family react?'

Because most people who knew me when I was growing up and as a young adult know that my family are all committed christians. I'm no longer a christian.

The answer is: they didn't say anything to me about faith then. They rarely have, which I appreciated.

But that didn't mean I felt comfortable about it - in fact often the very opposite.

I know what they believe because I used to believe it myself.

I never felt like the ‘black sheep’ or any less loved. But in the years I've been working out what I do now believe, it becomes apparent that we disagree - on quite a lot of ideas that go to the heart of how I live life.

Staking my own claim in the ground in the face of that - well, it's not been easy. It's as though my soul puts me at choice, again and again - do you really think, believe and trust your path?

The effect of church teachings that I received - about hell, about women, about men, about life....was significant.

The 'peer pressure' I experienced because I stopped going to church, not living the 'christian' lifestyle, not buying into the 'sub-culture' of evangelical christianity, breaking away from a 'them and us' mentality, stepping out of that world and into one which for most of my life I was told absolutely not to trust ('worldly' ideas, the devil's work etc) has not been easy.

Of course, I have had many benefits from attending church for the first 21 years of my life: the community, being brought up by a 'village', learning about unconditional love, reconciliation, social justice and benefitting from a social life because of the church.

But the 'unlearning' of the beliefs that stopped me living the life I wanted to live has taken a lot of commitment to change.

A lot of support. Persistence. Commitment to myself. Choosing over and over and over again.

Many spiritual women I speak to - most of whom have come out of the church or other restricted communities or are on the edges or have had a brush (or worse) with a nasty experience - they doubt themselves.

They have questioned their own judgement more times than they can count. They carry such burdens of guilt, fear and pain.

They feel alone.

They feel judged, abandoned and they often reject their own ideas or their own feelings.

They self-doubt, negate their own soul voice, they shut down their creative expression for fear of retribution.

I invested my time, energy and money into working through this process so I didn't have to spend the rest of my life feeling confused and less than myself.

It's been a journey, but I have learned to relish my hard-won freedom.

If you're a spiritual woman (or man) who feels like 'the odd one out' - you're not alone.

It can be done - you can feel connected and choose yourself . It's your life and you can choose believe whatever you want.