The choice
/We get to choose everything in our lives.
Everything. Every day, everything is a choice.
But when we have no frame of reference - or even concept - of our own power because we've spent our lives thinking that we don't have a choice, it's tough to see how you can 'choose' abundance of love or excitement or money or fun.
It's too challenging to see because we've never experienced the possibility of NOT choosing. We've never felt that space of ultimate free will where either option has been completely open to us.
The reason for this, for many of us, is because we were taught that if we choose a certain option, path, course of action, something bad will happen.
I used to get angry when I myself was coached around my commitments and choice.
How could I possibly choose something when it was clear I had 'no choice' in a situation?
Beneath the surface were some curious memories that helped me see that these fears were blinding me to my free will.
fear of having a non-Christian boyfriend that would exclude me from my community or I would receive disapproval from them or God. Deep fear that I would be rejected and shunned and I would receive disapproval and disappointment from people I loved.
fear of having a large income or work that I loved would mean that people really disliked me, talk about me behind my back, exclude me. Deep fear of accusing eyes, loneliness and hate.
fear of expressing myself in whatever way I wanted meant that I would be socially excluded or rejected from friendship groups. Deep fear that I couldn't connect with people I shared memories, values or interests with.
These things might actually happen - no one will guarantee that they won't.
But what we don't learn (or at least I didn't) was that on the other side is the possibility that there might be something better.
When we sit in and stay in our fear, against our own inner wisdom and desire, we reject ourselves.
It's not that guidance and advice from others isn't helpful. It so is. But we have to experiment with our own choices, we have to develop deep trust with ourselves - our inner wisdom and desire for full self expression.
If you look closely at the fears I've shared, you'll see they are mostly about fear of rejection.
What happened when I stayed in my fear was that I received approval and love from others, and yet created a huge amount of self-rejection because of it.
I learned denial of the self because I thought it was selfish.
I'm unlearning all that now.
We need balance: the dance of the 'self' energy with the 'other' energy within us.
We need to give ourselves the space to make the choice, even if that's not the experience we've had in the past.
It takes practice, patience and self-compassion (and compassion for others).
And once you've tasted the flavour of possibility because you see your power to make a true choice- you've sat in that airy, haunting, magical vastness of possibility - and you've realised you GET TO CHOOSE, it feels DELICIOUS.
