My story starts in the church; I grew up in a fundamentalist environmental, where there was a prominent ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality, the ‘saved’ versus the ‘unsaved’.

Churchgoers versus the ‘unchurched’.

It was deliberate because the ‘entry requirement’ was belief in Jesus and this segregation was particularly strong in the tradition which the church I attended had grown out of.

When I found out that my (recently ex-)boyfriend had committed a serious crime, I didn’t choose to leave straightaway.

No, it was how I experienced the fallout that really solidified my decision to leave.

Please don’t get me wrong, the crime shocked me to the core. The ground - my world - had shaken beneath my feet. I was ready to run. But it was the period afterwards, seeing how what happened was dealt with, deeply unnerved me.

The moment came when I was in church one day, after the service. I can’t remember the exact conversation I was having.

But I remember looking around and thinking ‘No, this is not how it’s supposed to be.’

The system in which I had been brought up, the mindset, the approach, the beliefs, the language; all of this had been my world since I was born. I was a ‘churched’ kid, it was ingrained in me.

Yet in that moment, I experienced a visceral sensation. Though this system purported to be ‘of love’, I knew that if this was the effect, if this was the outcome of Christianity, I wanted no part of it.

My whole body just said ‘No’.

I know now that this was my intuition, the deep knowing of my body communicating what feels good, aligned, right, true, real and peace-creating.

It took me 10 more years to even start to practice living by that voice.

Every person has that ‘hard no’ inside of them.

The 'absolute no’.

For many, many reasons (often trauma related), it can feel terrifying to go near that ‘line in the sand’.

Because it means you have to make a change.

Once you’ve felt it, however, and in the face of a difficult situation, it is a bodily sensation that you can’t ignore.

It can happen when you see someone cross a moral line in work.

It can happen when you witness violence or other issue that you know you will not tolerate in your life.

Most people’s ‘nos’ will often be ignored by them.

They KNOW something is wrong or off. But they feel uneasy about trusting that deep feeling.

When they don’t listen to that ‘no’ - the intuitive muscle which communicates your core inner truth - they likely find themselves overburdened with responsibilities. They say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no’.

The then very faint signal is ignored.

When you exercise the muscle however, you feel your limit.

Limits indicate where our self starts and others end.

Living by your limit feels very supportive.

It ensures you have enough freedom to move.

To be fully YOU.

At the time, I finally recognised my ‘hard no’. It catapulted me out of the church and into a world I didn’t know how to navigate, because I’d been taught to fear it.

I found my feet through listening for my ‘no’s’. The ‘hard nos’ and the softer ones.

Your deep body wisdom always knows.

This is why you need to know your ‘hard no’s’ for your life, to navigate the life which is best for YOU.

Every person needs to know their ‘no’ and ‘yes’ so clearly, so they can make truthful, conscious choices that feel in alignment with who they are.

Every person needs to feel their truth in order to live it.

Do you?

Blog

Every person needs to know their 'hard no'