Photo by Letizia Bordoni on Unsplash
We get to choose everything in our lives.
Everything. Every day, everything is a choice.
But when we have no frame of reference - or even concept - of our own power because we've spent our lives thinking that we don't have a choice, it's tough to see how you can 'choose' abundance of love or excitement or money or fun.
Read MoreMy story starts in the church; I grew up in a fundamentalist environmental, where there was a prominent ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality, the ‘saved’ versus the ‘unsaved’.
Churchgoers versus the ‘unchurched’.
It was deliberate because the bar to entry was belief in Jesus and it was particularly strong in the tradition which the church I attended had grown out of.
When I found out that my (recently ex-)boyfriend had committed a serious crime, I didn’t choose to leave straightaway.
Read MoreImage my own.
"But I can't do anything about it!"
I hear this a LOT - from clients, strangers, even sometimes friends.
I get it.
I felt powerless for much of my life.
Read MoreImage by Ben White. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
What will you not let yourself have?
That piece of cake that's sitting in the office kitchen?
New underwear?
A gym membership?
A new phone?
What do you do with a chronic condition that stops you from feeling your most alive?
It may not be anything big. A twinge you have, that you realised has become constant. An ache.
Oh, you say, I have this weird pain in my [enter body part].
Image by Alondra Olivas Used under a creative commons zero licence.
One topic that I love to explore is that of powerful conversations.
When we feel stuck, as though there is so much out of our control, or it feels as though someone else is making life really difficult, it can be tempting to complain it’s all about them/the job/the situation and how ‘if they would just’ act differently, our lives would be a lot easier.
In fact, complaining may be covering up the fact that that we are fearful about communicating HOW we’re feeling and what we WANT the situation to be like because we worry that it’ll create confrontation and descend into an argument.
Photo by Roberto Nickson. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
You say things like 'I'm just going to...' and 'One last thing...' or 'Don't worry, I'll power through it'
And when you're always pushing yourself and running at 110% ALL THE TIME, you KNOW it doesn't work.
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My life in London (and actually since I was about 15 years old) was BUSY. I had appointments every day, work, social life, courses I was taking, groups I was part of.
I had no SPACE to create change in my life.
Image by Lechon Kirb. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
We all have those days when everything just goes a bit haywire and we find ourselves in a spin.
What do you do when you're feeling confused about what's happening and slightly crazy?
Here's my top three practices to getting myself back on track, with perspective and feeling myself again.
Read MoreImage by Saul Cueller. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
A quick guide to my core self-care practices. These activities have helped me develop a strength which help me walk through the challenges (instead of having a flop, panic or going to pieces like I used to!)
Read MoreImage by Daniela Cuevas. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
In every moment, you have a choice.
When I first read that, I felt so much pressure.
In every moment, I had a choice?
I felt that I would more often than not choose the wrong thing.
Clothes, food, jobs, men.
I was notching up errors.
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Image by Marta Pawlik. Used under a creative commons zero license.
There is a horrible, inevitable ‘feeling’ you have when you keep grinding away at a job that you hate.
A ‘Will I ever get out of this?’ feeling. Of course, there is a possibility of redundancy. But if we ‘wait’ for something to change, we then realise…it’s only ourselves that is stopping us from moving forward.
Read MoreImage by Luke Pamer. Used under a creative commons zero licence.
How much do you listen to your heart?
Saying no ‘feels’ wrong sometimes. You're convinced you'll hurt someone’s feelings. You feel uncommitted. It means ending a relationship.
And sometimes saying no is about aligning with what your instinct tells you, however crazy it 'sounds'.
Read MoreI hopped on the train to Florence yesterday to meet a new friend and fellow business owner, Nicole. We enjoyed a delicious lunch, followed by a little tub of sweet gelato sitting on the steps of the Uffizi gallery, bathing in the warm sunshine. We wandered round the city, stopping here and there to inspect this and that, relishing the classical architecture and hum of Italian voices around us. I realised how much my soul had craved this kind of love. The inspiration love. The artistic love. The enjoyment love.
And how we often get it backwards.
Read MoreImage by Glen Carrie. Used under a creative commons zero license.
Remember that scene in When Harry met Sally where Harry and Sally stop off at a diner on their roadtrip to New York?
Harry says to the waitress "I’ll have number 3 please” and then looks on amazed as Sally explains in detail her very specific order.
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Who is on your Christmas gift list?
In amongst the wrapping and unwrapping, the eating and drinking and singing, I encourage you to ask yourself what you really want to give yourself as a gift as we near the end of 2014.
Read MoreThe first simple habit I adopted that taught me about self-love was one that I started whilst I was in my last job. The job where I had a 2 hour daily commute, often long hours and lots of deadlines. Where I was busy and tired and for a lot of the time just fed up.
This habit was making my bed every day.
I’d been reading Gretchen Rubin’s blog The Happiness Project (now a bestselling book) and making your bed every day was one of her suggestions.
Yeh, I get what you’re thinking now.
Oh it’s one of those things that ‘worked’ for her, but how could that help me? (Perhaps you already make your bed every day?)
How’s that deprivation strategy working out for your change?
You know, you said you're not going to do this anymore because someone's told you it's bad for you. You read the article about the effects of caffeine and you feel you 'shouldn't' eat the fatty stuff, shouldn’t have too much to drink, shouldn’t have too much ice-cream, or time on Facebook. You go without something because you spent so much money.
Image by Jason M Long. Used under a Creative Commons Zero licence.
It's easy to be hard on ourselves.
"I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that."
"I made the wrong decision. I always seem to get it wrong."
"I could have been more productive today."
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People say to me:
"I’m worried I’m not going to make the right decision."
"I’m worried I’ll lose my security."
"I’m worried that I’ll never really live."
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