I hadn't counted what I had lost when I left the church: my network and community, my trust in that community, friends, people who'd known me since I was born, a lifestyle, a belief system and a world view.

These were deep, deep roots. I lost my trust in the childhood belief that I'd received, believed and acted upon. I knew it was over then, but I was just running away.

I didn't really start dealing with what was really going on until after I'd let myself step through the fear of *not* believing (a strong one for a ‘churched’ girl) and feel the pain of that loss, and by allowing myself to accept that it was ok to be someone else in someplace else. And this many many years after.

Grieving needs space.

Image by Green Chameleon. Used under a creative commons zero licence. 

"I love and approve of myself. Say it every day, about 400 times a day. No, it's not too many times"

So writes Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Your Life. The first time I read it, I felt as though all the fear I'd ever known rise up inside of me.